umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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