Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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