Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come see our sink grown plant.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
