I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
