omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
as a side note pls kill me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
