Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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