its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
