Whod you bang
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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