Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
