Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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