I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
