There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
