Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
from now on my penis is your penis
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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