dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
