anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize