just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
