You're my little dorito
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
