The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it's like iHOP with fire
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
