This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
