hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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