In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
