I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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