Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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