just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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