theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
