so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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