just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
