At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
