If i come over, it means nothing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
