Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
