its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he was CRYING into my vagina
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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