nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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