May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
