I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
