she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
