So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize