Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize