the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
