do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
