im about as happy as oj after his trial
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
