well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
