she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
