and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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