I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
