Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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