I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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