Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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