he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
