is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize