i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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