Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
