There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
