I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
