True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize