Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
