you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
