I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
