Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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