I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
