This dress was meant to end up on your floor
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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