there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
