i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
