i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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