I puked a lego.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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