kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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