The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
third nipple confirmed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
