Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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