I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
