I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
