Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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