Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
