Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
